don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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