cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
