someone owes me an orgasm
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
