dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
