i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
