Where is the hickey?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
