If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Randomize
