I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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