I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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