Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
