had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
