i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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