Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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