She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
