I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
