I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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