Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
