Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
