i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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