I wanna bring you to show and tell
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
