Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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