so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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