You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
