I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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