my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
