I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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