I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
