I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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