Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
