Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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