You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
