halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I love having hate sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
