Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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