I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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