I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize