I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
