I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
