Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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