So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
