people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
