i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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