so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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