So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
