The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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