Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
