ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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