I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
