im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
