wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
