I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
