the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
