dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
