i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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