the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
