hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
