I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i now understand why vodka
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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