So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
