I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
