I hate your face
if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
