You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
