I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
