Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
