He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
