Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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