She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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