I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
